Is funny how, once the gifts have been opened and we think to ourselves when we can hit the mall to exchange, how everyone goes right to the idiot box while mom rocks the kitchen. Most of my family is watching television. I’m here on the Internet sharing my thoughts with you good people. It takes me back to something Keigergard, or maybe it was Auld, said back in the day, “Why is it with the Internet I get the feeling we’re moving from one idiot box to the next.”
My family doesn’t have many traditions, but one is watching “Days of our Lives” while we’re home and wonder why we still watching this crap. It’s been this way since 1979. I even used to dress as Bo Brady when I was in kindergarten. It had been a while for me, and from what I can tell Bo is nuts, Stephano and John are now half-brothers, and Francis Reid is still alive at 94.
I did well with Santa this year…books, money, couple of T-shirts, etc. The T-shirts don’t sound like much, except that I have expensive taste. It’s getting to the point where I’m going to need either a government bailout or an endorsement deal. I wonder if Affliction would be interested in endorsing an administrative assistant who moonlights as a conservative blogger. Or am I a conservative blogger who daylights as an administrative assistant? Honestly, if they’re sending me free T-shirts they can call me a ham sandwich for all I care.
But the last time I played Father Christmas, I stood outside a department store. A gang of kids came over and mugged me and knocked my reindeer to the floor. They said, “Father Christmas, give us some money. Don’t mess around with those silly toys. We’ll beat you up if you don’t hand it over. We want your bread so don’t make us annoyed. Give all the toys to the little rich boys.”
You always hear “Keep Christ in Christmas” during the holidays, a sentiment I generally agree with. I find it borderline offensive when people will say “Happy Holidays” to me knowing I only celebrate one of them and which one it is. However when you walk out of Christmas Mass and the first thought it to complain that the crossing guard isn’t wearing a hat, I really don’t think that is keeping Christ in Christmas either.
Anyone who says I’m a hard person to shop for has obviously never shopped at Kohl’s.
Because I try not to leave the basement, I went most of the season without hearing Christmas songs. The first I heard was last Wednesday at Starbucks. The second was yesterday from the assistant plant manager (who actually sings “Jingle Bells” all year long). Anyway, we had the radio on during the drive to my brother-in-law’s family, and in the ten minutes it took to pick up his cousin and go for dinner…I sware it was ten of the worst minutes of my life. If I get that WHAM! Stuck in my head one more freakin time….
Shit, it just happened again.
