Standing athwart history, yelling, “I’m not wearing any pants!”

If you’re like me, there’s nothing you like more than bailouts and excessive taxes…unless of course it’s the government passing laws to legislate the decisions they feel that people are too fat and stupid to make themselves. If so, you totally should come to New York because, besides taxing your iTunes downloads, they want to institute what some call a “fat tax.” I call it the “You Fat Bastard Tax.”

This is a tax added to foods, drinks, and anything that has been determined to be unhealthy for you, to “encourage” you to live a healthier lifestyle. Here’s the Daily News with more…

State Health Commissioner Richard Daines has become the point man for one of the more controversial of Gov. David Paterson’s revenue-generating budget proposals: The so-called “fat tax” – an 18 percent levy on sugary drinks like non-diet soda.

Daines, a Spitzer administration holdover who generally keeps a fairly low profile, has recorded a YouTube manifesto in defense of the tax, which the administration insists is really more about health care policy than making money off soda-drinking New Yorkers.

Now, if you are concerned aboot your health, instead of relying on the government to lose it for you, let me suggest the “JBdotC Eat Less and Move More (You Fat Bastard) Health Initiative” where you a) eat less, and b) move more.

(DISCLOSURE: I’ve actually been doing neither of these recently, something to rectify in 2009)

But legislating what should simply be a responsible personal decision isn’t where my beef is. It’s the disingenuous nature of the state saying they’re doing this for our own good, when in actuality, they’re counting on you not caring aboot your health, so that you buy the products with the extra 18% tax added to it, so that the state can collect the extra tax revenue.  Out here on da’ streets, we call that “hustlin’.”  I mean even a blind man can see…oops.  Forgot aboot SNL.

Look, I admit to being a greedy capitalist. I have no problem with the Coca Cola polar bears or Twinkie the Kid making a profit off of people’s irresponsibility.

I just kinda expect my government to be a little bit more honest.

UPDATE: Between Patterson’s tax plan and Blago being Blago, I can’t wait until 2010!